


oh lord, where art thou?

by Messier_47



Series: langst [7]
Category: Voltron - Fandom, Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Depression, Hurt No Comfort, Nonbinary Pidge | Katie Holt, Sad Lance (Voltron), langest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-02
Updated: 2017-03-02
Packaged: 2018-09-27 21:06:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10049312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Messier_47/pseuds/Messier_47
Summary: Lance is a million miles from home and yet he's never felt closer to his family as he is now.Someone remind this poor boy to thank his abuela for hating her weekly Saturday brunch.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Only mention OOCness because the writers of Voltron NEVER GAVE ME CHARACTER DEVELOPEMENT FOR LANCE SO I DON'T KNOW HOW HE REALLY ACTS. More on that in the notes below.
> 
> As to the mention of rape/non-con I want to be clear that it is only mentioned and slightly explained in "detail" but it's not between characters or used as a horrible torture method. No. Just...no.
> 
> I'm so sorry for the butchering of the spanish language. I tried my best to find good sources but I never studied spanish so *throws hands up in surrender* please don't shoot.

His parents were Catholic. And his grandparents. And probably their grandparents. All the way up to the beginning of the great Roman Catholic Church maybe but there’s no way for him to know that.

 

He grew up attending Mass every Sunday. Sit, stand, sit, stand, kneel, repeat after the bishop in prayer, sit, stand, sit, kneel, pray it all goes around and around his head in vague memories of siblings, cousins, nieces, and nephews baptisms, marriages, and his great grandfather’s funeral. The great Sanchez family were devout Catholics.

 

Maybe not the younger generation though. When Lance left home for education in the Garrison he left behind his bible and rosary and prayed only when the mood struck [before tests, before going into the principal’s office, before flight simulator practice, when Hunk got food poisoning that one time, when he pulled a prank on Pidge]. It’s not that he didn’t believe. It’s just that religion just had to take a back seat for a moment as he focuses on what’s in front of him.

 

It’s been years since he prayed and he thought he’d forgotten the old mantra-like verses. But when a galra ship slams into Blue by accident and causes him to spin out, Lance ducks his head between his knees and begins to  _ pray- _

 

_ “O San Miguel, Arcangel defiendenos en la batalla. Se nuestra proteccion contra el mal y las trampas del Diablo; humildemente te rogamos que Dios los reprenda. O Principe Celestial de la Santa Hostia, que con la ayuda de Dios eches a Satanas al infierno y a los espiritus que vagan por el mundo para arruinar las almas. Amén!” _

 

The words poor out of him like a broken dam. Rushing. Broken. Slurred over. With a trembling heart and clumsy mouth memories of his praying grandmother finally put into use.

 

And everything was silent.

 

Lance looked up from his bent position and Blue just needed the tiniest nudge to see the whole battle and-

 

“Yahoo! We did it! Good work guys!”

 

“Whoa, that was a bit close. Next time, let’s NOT ANTAGONIZE THE ENEMY BY REACHING INTO THEIR HANGERS KEITH!”

 

“What? It worked to slow them down.”

 

“Great job everyone! Let’s head back and get out of here before backup arrives.”

 

When Lance gets back home. He is so gonna thank his grandmother for praying that specific prayer every Saturday morning before going to her friend’s house for brunch.

…

Keith is sick. Nothing serious, just a little cold. But getting a cold in space is like three times worse than normal cause what the hell Coran? Cold medicine tastes like death, aren’t Alteans supposed to be more advanced?

 

And it doesn’t help when Shiro had to drag Keith back to his bed for rest when he found him in the training room testing how he would hold up against the gladiators with a handicap. The second time Shiro threatened to literally ground Keith until he got better and of -fucking- course he tried to leave and got caught before he even made it out the hallway.

 

So now Keith is taking a very long nap with Altean medicine coursing through his veins, snot running out his nose, and tears running down his face with how intense his sneezes are.

 

Everyone has been checking up on him. Hunk especially since he’s pretty much the Mama Bear of the group, nearly smothering him in blankets and drowning him in some soup that Hunk claims to taste near exactly like his mother’s cooking. Pidge comes around and talks to Keith for an hour before leaving to do something smart and come back with adventure stories [also, no one mentions that Pidge’s pranks seem to increase with worry and when Keith was sick everyone was scared to go to sleep that night]. Even the mice came around bringing get well tokens of odd niknaks.

 

And Lance. Well after the first time Keith escaped from his room Lance had pranced in and started a goddamn war with the Red Paladin and Allura barred him from antagonizing the sick pactient further.

 

Which was fine for him. Totally fine. It wasn’t like he was worried or anything. It’s not like he didn’t walk Keith’s hallway every once in awhile just to check up on him. No, he didn’t ask Hunk if he was getting better and offered an at-home remedy he swore helped stuffy noses [Lance will never know it worked like a dream]. Of course he didn’t.

 

And at night when he was doing his finally walk around before going to bed, no body saw how Lance stopped at Keith’s door, laid a hand against the cool metal and whispered a prayer.

 

_ “En el día malo lo librará Jehová. Jehová lo guardé, y le dé vida: sea bienaventurado en la tierra, Y no lo entregues á la voluntad de sus enemigos. Jehová lo sustentará sobre el lecho del dolor: Mullirás toda su cama en su enfermedad. Yo dije: Jehová, ten misericordia de mí; Sana mi alma, porque contra ti he pecado. Amen.”** _

 

And everything was silent.

 

Lance leaves after a moment. Goes back to his room and sleeps deeply with no dreams. In the morning Keith is up and about. Coran sings praises to all the advanced Altean medicines they drugged Keith with and everyone else just credits Keith’s strong personality to beating the cold.

 

Lance gives only a secret smile and for the first time in a long time does he kneel at his bed to pray in gratitude.

…

They were in a fight again. Drones flying left, right, up, down, up front, and behind it was all a jumbled mess of shoot at everything that was purple at this point.

 

They weren’t even in real trouble before Lance starts to pray. He had started getting used to the habit, an odd comfort of home during this odd time in such an odd place but it feels good so he’ll continue.

 

_ “Jehová es mi pastor; nada me faltará. En lugares de delicados pastos me hará descansar; junto a aguas de reposo me pastoreará.” _ It wasn’t like he didn’t believe.

 

_ “Confortará mi alma; me guiará por sendas de justicia por amor de su nombre.”  _ But like his mother always told him, ‘Faith finds us in the most mysterious of places.’

 

_ “Aunque ande en valle de sombra de muerte, no temeré mal alguno, porque tú estarás conmigo; tu vara y tu cayado me infundirán aliento.” _ And Lance’s faith found him thousands upon thousands of miles away from Earth while he fought against purple alien cats, robots, and robeasts.

 

_ “Aderezas mesa delante de mí en presencia de mis angustiadores; unges mi cabeza con aceite; mi copa está rebosando.” _ Maybe there is a God. Maybe there isn’t. He hasn’t yet proven the existence of God to himself and it shouldn’t matter is there is or isn’t proof. As his mother always told him, “It’s about faith,  _ mijo _ .”

 

_ “Ciertamente el bien y la misericordia me seguirán todos los días de mi vida, y en la casa de Jehová moraré por largos días. Amen.”*** _

 

His prayer didn’t end with the battle. He continued to fight long after he said his amen. But it didn’t matter. He would fight with or without uttering words from his old grandmother’s tongue. All he had to remember was-

 

_ “It’s about faith, mijo. It’s all about faith.” _

…

Waging war in space isn’t always safely done from the cockpit of Blue or within the castle walls. Sometimes the Paladins were only specialized foot soldiers and were at a disadvantage without their super powered Lions.

 

Lance is captured accidently. No really, it was an accident! He turned right in a hallway [Coran is so getting his ass kicked when Lance gets back!] and ran straight into the arms of a centurion squad! Lance didn’t ever have enough time to raise his bayard and shoot, the Galra just clamped down on his arms and escorted him to a lovely little cell that smelled like a septic tank’s son with a pig sty. The floor was squishy. Ew.

 

“How the hell did this place get so dirty? How could you let it get this dirty? Don’t you guys have a more sensitive sniffer or something? Man I’m about ready to pass out it smells so bad how the hell are you guys still stand-”

 

“Silence, prisoner,” one of the guards ordered and Lance didn’t feel like taking anyone seriously at the moment. He was up to his ankles in an alien biohazard. Give him a break.

 

“What’re you gonna do to me? Throw more crap up in here? Cause let me tell you a rotting fish smells better than this. My cousin has some really bad B.O. and it knocked my sister unconscious with the smell it was so bad but this is much worse. If you offered me a life of slavery or another day stuck in here I would seriously contemplate your offer!”

 

The doors to the Sewage of Satan opened and Lance was silenced when he heard someone really familiar cursing, spitballing, and giving a fight like a yowling cat. The door to Lance’s cell opened and a blur of red was tossed in the garbage heap with him.

 

“Keith!” Lance quickly knelt beside the Red Paladin and got his nose out of the filth. “Keith, don’t breathe right now or you will die.”

 

Keith stopped breathing and turned wide alarmed eyes at the Blue Paladin who hoisted him up.

 

“Now you could breathe.” Keith gave a cautious breath and recoiled in disgust.

 

“The FUCK is that?!”

 

“Pollution! Galra are some ancient alien race and even they don’t know how to take care of their garbage!” Lance said cheerfully. “So how did you get caught?”

 

Keith scowled at Lance but then again he scowls at everyone. He said, “Ambush.”

 

Lance couldn’t help but sardonically reply, “Me too!”

 

Keith’s glare could cut steel and Lance was half tempted to make a comment about testing his glare against the cage walls. “Pidge and Hunk were already regrouping at the castle. Shiro knows where we are and should be getting us out of here in no time.”

 

“That’s if he even knows where to look.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“I’m sure you noticed, what with you struggling and fighting each step of the way over here, that this Galra ship isn’t set up like normal. It’s designed to confuse us. That’s why Coran’s directions screwed us up. And even if Shiro and friends did come looking, the Galra already set up a system to relocate us everywhere but where the other Paladins are looking. Which is genius by the way.”

 

Keith was looking at him in such a strange way. Like Lance did something spectacular. “How do you-”

 

“-know this? This is my fourth prison cell and trust me, this isn’t even the worst one!”

 

“So...how do we escape then?” Lance was silent and honestly Keith should have known not to ask. It wasn’t like there were two Galra centurions at the door and could over hear them easily. But Lance’s mind was working. Keith could tell by how intense those blue eyes looked focusing in on one spot, pupils racing to strategize through to the finish line.

 

Finally he kneeled. He kneeled right in the filth and clasped his hands in front of him.

 

_ “Padre nuestro que estás en los cielos, santificado sea tu nombre, venga tu reino, hágase tu voluntad en la tierra como en el cielo,”  _ Lance whispered. Keith was surprised. Was Lance...was Lance praying? He didn’t know any spanish but he did know the rise and fall tempo of prayers sounded like and holy shit Lance was really praying!   
__  
_ “Danos hoy el pan de este día y perdona nuestras deudas como nosotros perdonamos nuestros deudores.” _ And it shouldn’t have shocked him so much because he didn’t know Lance all that well. But...wow. Lance: outrageous flirt, over confident, loud mouth, headache extraordinaire and now he was...what? A person of faith? Religious? Or did he pray only as a last rites sort of thing?   
  
“ __ Y no nos dejes caer en al tentación sino que líbranos del malo. Amen.”**** Lance breathed in and breathed out [he really shouldn’t have, he got light headed just by the smell alone] before standing up and making his way to the door.

 

“So I have a question for you guys. So many slaves, so many planets you conquered, I wanna hear about the spoils of war. I’ve seen the crystal mines and I bet there’s other places where you get other stuff and I know about the Arena but what I never hear about is how you really break them. Tell me, do they scream as you fuck them?”

 

Keith thought his ears started to bleed when Lance posed his question. The Galra guards nearly jump at such a crass question and no one saw Lance smile with his teeth.

 

“There’s only so many Galra, you must have a couple wet pussies to warm your dick at night. Or maybe you’re not into pussies. A pretty asshole can suffice. Tell me, do they beg for mercy? Do you like pulling their hair? Do you fuck em like dogs in heat? I bet you lonely soldier boys-”

 

“Shut your mouth!”

 

“Blasphemy against the Empire!”   
  


“-like virgins best. What do you do? Conquer a planet, line them up, and when you’re done with one you show off your blood stained cock? ‘Look! Look, guys! It looks like I fucked a rainbow. Look it; red blood, orange blood, yellow blood, green blood, blue-’”

 

“I’ll break your teeth!” The nastiest smiles stretched on Lance’s face and Keith’s stomach completely curled up into a tiny ball at the sight. Who? Who was this person with Lance’s face? Was Lance the kind of person who prayed before spewing such horrifying things?

 

“Big words from a big man. Sure. Break my teeth. Isn’t it easier for slaves to suck cock without them anyway?”

 

One of the guards pulled out the keys to the jail cells and Lance stepped back. The door opened and the two Galra centurions came in with fury in their eyes and oh Lance why the hell did you have to rile them up?

 

“You’ll be sorry when-”

 

Lance threw something. Threw two somethings. And at such a close range he didn’t miss. It hit them right on their nose and in their mouth. Their yellow eyes rolled up at the noxious smell and they fainted right over each other. Lance stepped over them like he planned for this to happened and Keith realized that this-this was their escape.

 

“What did you-?” Whatever was covering the guards faces was black and tar like but completely alien to Keith on what t might be.

 

“Have you ever smelled liquified meat? Meat so rotten that it turns to slime?” Lance asked him while taking off both of his gloves that still had the black slime on them.

 

“No.”

 

“Don’t. Just...don’t.” And they escaped. Just like that. Sure there were a few close calls where they would run into a patrol but the Paladins were able to handle it. While they were running, Keoth had to ask.

 

“So...what was that back there?”

 

“I’m Cuban,” Lance answered. As if that answered everything. That answered nothing.

 

But it was the only answer he’s ever gonna get for now cause oh look, they found Shiro.

…

It was dinner time and everyone was gearing to eat before Lance quietly clasps his hands in front of him and mutters a prayer behind his hands. By this time he’s used to reciting the old Catholic prayers at his bedside and before, during, and after a battle. It feels right finally to commit a memory from home into practice.

 

“Wait, do you really believe in a faith?” Lance’s eyes snap wide open. Pidge was staring at him in surprise.

 

“Oh, I’m sorry, did I intrrupt? I didn’t mean to, oh shit -I mean- hell -I mean-...I’m screwing this up aren’t I?” Now all eyes are on Lance and Pidge and he has to laugh. It sounds slightly forced but no one really pays attention to that.

 

“No, it’s okay, I’m done.”

 

“Done with what?” Allura asks in total innocence.

 

“Lance was praying,” Pidge reported to the Princess.

 

“Praying? What’s that?” asked Coran and Pidge just looks to Lance for an answer.

 

Lance wanted to throttle them. This whole situation made him entirely uncomfortable and it wasn’t like Pidge maliciously did it on purpose but...there was something in their voice...a sort of bewildered disbelief that set the tone of the entire conversation and it just rubbed him wrong.

 

“Prayer is…” he floundered. It was difficult to put words to a faith when faith isn’t based on words but emotions like hope.

 

“Prayer is when someone believes in a higher power and makes requests to that higher power,” Shiro answered kindly.

 

“Oh! We had something like that on Altea. We called it  _ mauser _ and...it was often practiced by intoxicated Alteans on particular lunar nights,” Coran explained with a hint of a blush on his face.

 

“So even Earth has beliefs of a higher power?” asked Allura, interested in such a different [and simular] culture as her own.

 

“Yeah, we have thousands. What I’m most surprised is that Lance is a believer!” Pidge says and it twists something in Lance’s heart to hear it.

 

“Why so?”

 

“I mean...well religious people have a sort of reputation and Lance is well...Lance. I’d never expect he’d-”

 

“That’s enough,” Keith interrupted who was standing in his seat. Pidge nearly flinched at the force of his glare and the situation only worsened when Shiro said, “You took it a little too far.”

 

“What did I do? I didn’t say anything bad ri-” Pidge shut up after taking a glance at Lance. He was sitting ramrod straight in his seat, hands in his lap, tightlipped, and the definition of uncomfortable. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-”

 

Lance only nodded once. Nothing Pidge said or did was wrong it’s just that...the disbelief in their tone just hurt. It hurt alot.

 

“My...my whole family’s Catholic,” Lance begins to explain. “I don’t ah...necessarily believe that there is a God in the universe but...having faith helps.”

 

And everything was silent.

 

What could be said now? It’s not like Lance admitting to have taken up something as a comfort of home. That he needs help for something. That he takes that help from a higher being that he cannot prove even exists.

 

“I’m an atheuist,” Pidge says, “No surprise there. I would believe more in the existance of an A.I. than in any God. But I can see how...having faith can help right now.” Pidge’s expression screamed of rememberance of their broken family. Their mom left alone at home. Their father and brother doing who knows what to Galra knows where. Technology has its limits and coding programs can’t sooth the ache on their heart.

 

“...thanks…” Lance said. And that was the end of it. They ate, made merry, and went to bed whenever the mood suit them.

 

Nobody said anything when the next day Lance didn’t have a moment of prayer. They didn’t say anything a week later when they noticed Lance had stopped praying outloud altogether.

...

A knock sounded at Lance’s door which was really inconvenient at the moment because he was doing some delicate work at the moment.

 

“It’s open!” he called out, still focused on finishing this bit of wire before he can pull his attention back to his visitor.

 

“Is that...what I think it is?” asked Hunk.

 

“Depends on what you think it is,” Lance said before finishing his task. He turned around to greet his friend, “Hey, what’s up.”

 

“Are you trying to make a radio?” Immediately Lance was distracted.

 

“Yes! I’m trying to make a super radio that could pick up some alien or earth tunes. Except I’m not sure if we’re gonna be listening to Billie Holiday or Justin Timberlake judging by the radio length and how far away from earth we are.”

 

“Lance you’re a saint!” Hank picked him up and crushed Lance in an old Mama Bear hug.

 

“Hunk! Can’t breathe!”

 

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Hunk soothed. “Suffer through it.”

 

“Hunk!” He let him drop to the floor and Lance dramatically wheezed and choked on oxygen. “There are easier ways to kill me.”

 

“Yeah but no one has been killed by a bear hug...yet...maybe...I don’t know anymore.” Both Lance and Hunk laughed at the absurdity of it all before Lance sits down on his bed.

 

“So what do you want? Some facial cleansing cream? Extra hands in the kitchen? Wait a minute, is this about what’s in the second freezer because I can explain that.”

 

“What? No, none of that. Wait what’s in the second freezer?”

 

“...you don’t want to know. Seriously it was Pidge who did it. If you tell Coran it exists I’m gonna have to tell Shay about-”

 

“Okay! Totally interrupting because I don’t want to know! But...I got something for you.”

 

“...for me?” Hunk thrust out his hand and Lance quickly caught his gift before it could smash against his chest He looked over the piece, blinked in surprise, looked up at his friend and breathing, “Jeez, Hunk, this is…”

 

“I just thought you’d like it. I’m mean obviously it’s not even from Earth but it’s the thought that counts right? Please tell me I didn’t overstep my boundaries.” Cradled in Lance’s hands was a space made rosary. Stone beads of different colors, and if Lance guessed correctly from different planets, were braided together a little clumsily but with all the heart Hunk had at his fingertips.

 

The cross was just a simple bit of two pieces of wood slotted together but as he ran his fingers against the smooth edges he could tell that it was sanded by someone who was really dedicated.

 

“You did this?” Lance asked, his voice small and tearful. Happy.

 

“Well yeah it was me and Keith and Pidge and Shiro made the cross cause none of us can work wood to save our life and Allura gave us some of her old jewelry and Coran picked out some of the best beads we can find from everywhere but-”

 

“You ALL did this?” Lance looked up at Hunk and he had never looked so happy since before leaving Earth.

 

No. No this rosary wasn’t from earth or had the symbolic Jesus on the cross or was prettily dyed but it was so much more. It was his friends, his space family, that decided to contribute a little to his faith. Did he need a rosary to believe? No but it was the little bit of acceptance he didn’t know he was waiting for.

 

“Gak! Whoa, Lance!” Hunk cried out as Lance strangled him in a tight hug.

 

“Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!”

 

“Can’t breathe!”

 

Lance nestled his face closer to Hunk ear and said, “Suffer through it.”

 

There was a sudden burst of laughter from the doorway and they both turned to see-

 

“Bunch of nerds.” -Pidge, Keith, Shiro, Allura, and Conan standing just inside Lance’s doorway looking mighty fond of this whole set up. Lance immediately flung himself at the rest of the group, using his long arms to wrap around three other people and squeezing them close.

 

“Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!”

 

“Alright, Lance, you’re welcome,” Shiro says and LAnce lets them go to squeeze the last two people left.

 

“So I guess you like it?” Allura asked. Lance let go of her and Conan before looking down at the makeshift rosary in his hands. He threw it over his head and let the weight settle on his neck. It was probably his imagination but it felt like his mother, grandmother, and all his relatives back on Earth was here with his Space family. It felt like coming home.

 

“I love it.”

  
  


*St. Michael the Archangel prayer

**Psalm 41:1-4

***Psalm 23

****The Lord’s Prayer

**Author's Note:**

> If you didn't catch it, I have no idea how Lance would react if he were in a Galra jail cell. Antagonize them? Probably. But to use crass language and horrible war tactics against the Galra to rile their anger might not be something he would do. I'm sorry but I kinda asked myself, "What would I do?" and this is my terrible answer.
> 
> Also, you might say Pidge was also a little OOC. I tried my best not to and I kinda did pose them as a villian for alittle bit. Forgive me.


End file.
